Interracial Relationships: Are You In Bed With A Racist?

The smoke from the John Mayer controversy seems to have cleared and we’re back to business as usual. In case you hadn’t heard singer/guitarist John Mayer made some pretty disturbing comments concerning African-Americans, especially women, in an interview he did earlier this month with Playboy magazine. In a nutshell he used the “N-Word”, and likened his penis to white supremacist David Duke when asked about sleeping with Black women. Sidebar: wouldn’t it have been easier to just say, “Sorry. I’ve never dated a black woman.” And to add insult to injury, he then went on to name the bevy of black beauties he would bed. Breathe. Crazy, right!? Before things could get crazier he gave a half-assed apology and was on his way. Half-assed in that he ONLY apologized for using the “N- Word”, NOT for what he said about the Sistas.

For fear of giving him too much shine I don’t wanna spend more time than necessary on John Mayer. But if you examine his comments closely, they’re as interesting as they are inflammatory. Many, including Russell Simmons, have argued that- in spite of his comments- John Mayer is not a racist. I disagree. What was said was not something that can be taken out of context. What was said was direct and succinct. Like it or not, he said it. His straight talk made for straight understanding. He clearly expressed racist views, yet would move forward in bedding a black woman. And he’s not alone. Many feel exactly as he does, and just won’t say it. Which leads me to the question of the blog: is it possible to be in an interracial relationship with a racist?


Allow me to get real and expose some ugly truths. What I’m asking is not a far fetched concept. Think about it: racists “dating” interracially can be traced back to the transatlantic slave trade. It was nothing for a slave master to carry on relationships with (not rape) a slave, father children, allow the offspring to be “house slaves/house n*ggers”, yet never feeling obligated to free any of them; nor treat them humanely. They were still regarded as property. And this was the cause of the great divide amongst people of color regarding color issues. The “house slave/negro/n*gger” may have been treated just a tad bit better. They slept in the “Big House”, dressed a little better, ate a little better, but … they were still slaves; property.

Fast forward to 2010; where interracial dating is as common as intra-racial dating. I have bi-racial cousins and friends, so this is nothing new to me. However, we are now living in what many believe to be “post racial” America. Whatever the hell that means. We’re in the “Obama Era” where everyone just wants to melt and blend all the races & colors together. But are the intentions genuine? Far be it for me to be an authority to dissect and decipher anyone’s relationship. But it doesn’t negate the fact that you do hear “talk.” And y’all know what I mean by “talk.” For instance: “Black women got too much attitude. I’m gonna get me a white chick.” “Black men ain’t sh*t! They ain’t never got no money. I’m getting’ me a white man.” “I want my babies to have ‘good hair’; I’m hookin’ up with a butter pecan Rican.” “Is it true what they say about Black Men?” “Black women can go all night!” If you’re honest with yourselves you’ve all heard those whispers, or maybe even uttered them yourselves. And that would make you all a bunch of idiot racists. Because when you adopt those ideas the union is no longer genuine. Instead it is about one group of people imposing their agenda on what is deemed as the “weaker group” because you can’t get your own folks to be submissive to your needs and wants.

Two people meeting and falling in love is the most beautiful thing in the world, no matter the race. But what happens when folks have agendas? What happens when folks wanna bed-hop across the reading rainbow because they’re self-hating? Or what happens when someone will bed you to get close enough to harm you? Let me reiterate this is NOT a far fetched idea. The daytime soap opera ‘One Life To Live‘ did a story plot a few years back where a Latina sista hooked up with a Caucasian dude- a white supremacist- who wanted to kill her friends & family, and the only way he could get close enough to do it was to date her. But that’s just TV right? Well check this out: I have a bi-racial childhood friend whose dad was actually a member of the Ku Klux Klan. It gets no more real than that. All those ideas and preconceived notions of hate don’t just evaporate. I’m willing to bet they were clear and present when he jumped the broom with her mom; which is why their home life was so turbulent. Imagine getting into bed every night with someone who hates you and your whole lineage. Scary isn’t it? Still, very likely.


But what do Y’ALL think? Holla @ Ya Gyrl!


Spread Love … It’s The Bklyn Way!