The VAGINA DIALOGUES.

Hey Kidz! I know it's been a minute since I've “Blogged”, but y'all ain't gonna beLIEVE the foolishness I've come across in the wee hours of the morn'ting. If you're familiar with twitter, you'd know there is such a thing as “trending topics”. Trending topics are the topics that are talked about the most at a particular time. And, a few hours ago, a few of the trending topics were #slimchicks, #thickchicks, & #bigchicks. We were having some good, light-hearted fun until a few guys suggested that #slimchicks had more sexual stamina than #thickchicks. (Crickets) (Crickets) (Crickets) Well, those were NOT the exact words, but I had to clean it up a bit. Basically, it was suggested that #slimchicks take a licking & keep on ticking. Yet, #thick&bigchicks take a hit & quickly quit. I didn't know what to make of it. If anything I'd often heard the opposite. However; since I'd never been intimate with a #slimchick, #thickchick, #bigchick, or #ANYCHICK for that matter, I was ill prepared to say yay or nay. These guys were adamant and swore by this like it was the God's Honest Gospel. Still a bit bewildered, a bunch of theories flooded my mind. I wondered if any of this had truth, merit, or basis. So, at 4am I am inviting y'all into my brain to examine a few possibilities that I'd conjured up.

The Fellas Say: #Slimchicks have a deeper vaginal canal than #ThickOrBigchicks.

Crickets. Crickets. And more DAMN Crickets! Now, I don't know if there is any scientific proof to this. However, this seems like a blanket statement that enforces a stereotype. Until you have been with EVERY #slimchick in the world, how would you know this? Just the same, I can't very well say that every large man has a Super, Extra, Ultra Small Penis. I don't have that kind of time to be holding auditions although .... never mind. My point is, are these ladies just random #slimchicks, or, have they been around the block a few times? At which point, by the time they link up with dudes, their bodies are so worn they can give birth in reverse? Just because someone is beating on your cervix like a kettle drum doesn't mean you'll reach an orgasm. And if that's what you need to do so, that says a lot about the ladies these guys are dealing with. I mean, at what point does an average sized penis no longer do it for you? I ain't saying you gotta get it poppin' with a crayon, but, if that's the case just get some salami and slide it up in your joint. Ladies, we need to calm down taking whatever, whenever, however! #Slimchick, #thickchick or #bigchick, too much of the wrong action can leave you needing vaginal rejuvenation surgery. Don't know what that is? Y'all gonna learn.

The Fellas Say: #Thickchicks/#Bigchicks squirm & complain when they go #HardBody!

But WURD!!??? For Real, Though- WURD!!!??? Come on now, even the Crickets are pissed! If your Bumpin', Grindin', & Poundin' ISN'T getting me where I need to go, you don't have to worry about me squirmin', cryin', or complaining. I'm just gonna straight Punch you in your DAMN FACE! What The HELL Wrong With You!!??? You don't have to manhandle me to be the “Champion Lover”. You gotta stroke the kitten if you want it to purr! But if you strangle a cat it's gonna scratch you back. Don't get me wrong, I think everyone enjoys some intensity. And PLEASE, Don't Get It Twisted, “Mother” TAKES as well as she GIVE.

Owwww, I Love It When He Calls Me BIG MA-MA!

Oops, Forgive Me. Sorry. I didn't mean to take y'all there. Anywho, what was I sayin'? Yeah, but when being intimate with someone leaves you feeling like you've just been mugged on “the Block”, you shouldn't rock with them anymore. Anytime someone has to dominate the next, you'd better examine that. I know it is the nature of a man to want to dominate & conquer, but these guys were wildin'. They were saying that they “needed” to pound the HELL out of a woman. Well, that could only mean one thing: they're not working with a whole lot in the penis department. Ladies, y'all know what I'm talking 'bout, don't be sitting up there acting like y'all don't know. You find a man who's a living, breathing, walking, talking tripod, and after two strokes you got a Hostage Situation! Sistas, don't act Brand New, y'all know what I'm talking about. In other words- like with anything- when you got it like that, you ain't gotta force it like that! A Woman knows you're there. You don't have to attempt to give her a homemade hysterectomy. So Unnecessary. Be considerate of your partner. If a #Slimchick/ #Thickchick/ #Bigchick is experiencing discomfort, switch it up and let Her control the situation. Let the Ladies do The Bumpin', Grindin', & Poundin' while the Fellas lay back & enjoy the ride. Hmmm, then they'll probably be the ones squirmin', cryin', & complaining.

SO BITCHASSNESS.

I Say: To Each His/Her Own!

At the risk of sounding like a HATER, I think I'd better wrap this up. And really, I’m NOT hatin’ on ANYBODY for feeling how they feel, or liking what they like. I just had questions. Inquiring minds wanna know. Some of the Brethren are special and do bizarre things. And for that reason I will NOT fall victim to the “divide & conquer” tactic of giving my coochie a complex. And some of The Sistren is special too. They have yet to tap into their Vagina Power, and are allowing these fools to bang them into oblivion. But my Sisters are my Sisters. And no matter what size we come in, as women we all face the same Adversity & Sexism. I'm A Big Girl- and WHAT!? A BIG Girl who has NEVER had self esteem issues about her weight. Which is why I don't appreciate someone trying to make Their issues My Issues. Negative. For whatever the reason, if you don't wanna date me it's fine. But PLEASE don't have me thinking it's because I'm experiencing Vaginal Malfunctions. The Vagina is a muscle that can stretch every which way to bring forth Life into this world. I'm not a mother, yet I know I can carry a baby to full term like any other woman. And if I can give Birth, certainly I can give Good Lovin'.

Spread Love ... It's The Bklyn Way!

Holla If Ya Hear Me ...